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American Airlines To Phase Out Complimentary Cabin Pressurization

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FT. WORTH, TX—Explaining that the costs of the service have grown too high in recent years, American Airlines announced Tuesday that it will no longer offer free cabin pressurization to passengers starting March 15. “Unfortunately, to stay competitive as a legacy carrier in today’s air travel market, it no longer makes economic sense for us to provide breathable air at altitude,” said American Airlines CEO Doug Parker, noting that despite the cutbacks, air pressurization would still be available… (www.theonion.com) More...

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deven091
dave naftz 23
you know now theres an head airline executive sitting in the boardroom somewhere going "Hmmm..."
adambear8
adambear8 18
probably a Ryanair exec.
dllbmedia
D. Benjamin 1
HEEEYYYYYOOOOOOOOOO!!! (Spinning bowtie and water squirting lapel flower)
PhotoFinish
PhotoFinish 0
A survivable environment with oxygen is probably the only item that can't be separated for additional income and could always be expected with a base airfare. There is no way to more efficiently provide such an environment than for the airline to provide it for all pasengers.

The pilots will go before the oxygen. Passengers will have a choice of flights with or without human pilots long before having the option for flying without oxygen.

Flights without oxygen would be an entirely differnr beast. It would be a way for society to deal with overpopulation and astronomical healthcare costs.

Talk about a one-way ticket.
robertl30
Robert Larson 3
I've figured the future will include passenger sedation and loading them as cargo into unpressurized aircraft. Can stack them in tubes more efficiently if they get rid of those pesky seats and drink carts.
PhotoFinish
PhotoFinish 1
You need enough oxygen to support life. If the experience leaves one feeling rested and energized, it could be marketed as a lie flat sleep spa experience.

The FAA 90-second evacuation requirement would be the only stumbling block to such a novel service.
robertl30
Robert Larson 1
Easy. The robot up front just hits the big red Eject Pods button and out they go. Maybe little parachutes on each one in case we need to evacuate at altitude.
PhotoFinish
PhotoFinish 2
You do know that the 'robot' up front won't actually be separate from the airplane computers. So the entire plane will ve among the most advanced robots.

So when the robot plane excretes passengers in tubes through hole(s) in the bottom, the symbolism is quite rich indeed. Think of the similarity to a bird, dive bombing onto whatever is below: your car, your shirt. Just on a much larger scale.
gma92
gma92 2
For good measure pax could be snap frozen and microwaved back again on arrival? think of it as 'jetlag free flight' :D
jwmson
jwmson 15
Wonder how many will actually believe this spoof. Bet some airline executives, and not just at AA, wish they could do this.
mhlansdell00
Mark Lansdell 4
Naah. It's more expensive to provide masks for pax to steal than to pressurize. It would muffle crying infants though
distar97
Dennis Harper 0
Wrong way to look at it. The trick here is let the PAX decide for themselves if they want O2 or not. They can bring their own O2 or buy pricey Tokyo style O2 onboard provided by AA as a convenience offering.
joelwiley
joel wiley 3
Try passing your own O2 tank past TSA, unless it's under 3 OZ
Serviceman
Gary Hatch 2
That would be awful. My feet are already cold when I fly, imagine when the air is thin O2 or not! May as well go back to the DC3! My knee! Osteoarthritis, my ears, crying babies from the low air pressure! Poor people suffocating! Beer constantly foaming over! "I gotta get outta here! I gotta get outta here!" (As the people line up....)
Kacka
Mke Kacka 1
Feet cold on a DC3. That was when the Janatrol heater went out. Oh ya that was often.
fergusrl2007
Russ Ferguson 1
Too bad. The oxygen containers wouldn't pass the TSA inspection.
sanukjim
James Wilson Jr 1
Hummmmm, How can we get away with air tight doors between the classes ?
distar97
Dennis Harper 4
Easy, use gravity vortex sillyons to create a gas barrier. It's been made practical by Elon Musk using his new Flydox technology. It invisibly draws back atmospheric gases on one side thereby allowing people to pass through unimpeded.
Brief passenger discomfort occurs in the form of a mental image that there are onions lurking about.
Doobs
Dee Lowry 1
Dennis...I don't have clue what you just said but it sounds like a winner! If you set the pressurization to 14,000...the "Peeps" are going to list one way or another. Lights out and no inflight service!
sparkie624
sparkie624 20
You've got to love the Onion.. That is original...
PhotoFinish
PhotoFinish 3
Some folks have mentioned the idea here previously, possibly in relation to
O'Leary & Co.

So those onion guys may have 'borrowed' the idea for their creative writing article on AA.
mhlansdell00
Mark Lansdell 1
Is it the Onion or the latent sense of humor of some of the folks here? Some of these comments are hilarious.
jeffinsydney
jeff slack 11
I hear the new a320neos and the 737ng have wind down windows just to help this take hold in the marketplace.
First Class will of course have electric windows and perches for migrating geese.

What a concept!
toolguy105
toolguy105 5
Delta is starting a new service called home delivery. If you live near the airport or the approach path for an extra fee they will allow you to jump from the rear of the aircraft, parachutes are not included on the fee but available for a small fee.
btweston
btweston 5
I was once on a flight in which, as we were taxiing to the re runway, some ladies in the back of the plane demanded oxygen. No, they didn't have a medical issue. They... just wanted some oxygen. The FA informed them that the aircraft is not an oxygen bar, they raised hell, and we had to taxi back to the gate. I almost missed my connector at DCA.

Perhaps they live in this parallel universe?
jdavisbiblicalco
Joseph Davis 4
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, you are funny. And the American also said: "Parker added that the company is also planning to discontinue complimentary landing gear on flights under four hours." Sounds like an advance April 1st joke!
PhotoFinish
PhotoFinish 9
Immediate reaction: head shake, followed by face palm.

'Journalism' I though*, 'what is it coming to'

'They'll print anything nowadays.'

Then after that split second of disappointment, I notice theonion.com as the source. A smile took over my face.

Still now I chuckle thinking about the story.

* I couldn't believe that any journalist could believe such a story. With the quality of some stories being published lately, it was possible but horrific. That it turns out to be from one of the wittier outlets of satire today makes it all better. At least the journalists didn't believe the story as they made it up. I hope too many readers aren't mistaken by the article. Well maybe a few. Just to make things intereting.
k9wrangler
Karl Scribner 3
Sadly with the near death state of journalism these days one could imagine that reported right after the story about the Asiana crew names.
preacher1
preacher1 2
Sad part is that if he thought he could get by with it, he would. LOL. Let's don't give him any ideas but I guess, according to Cole's post here below, he has already seen it, LOL
AWAAlum
AWAAlum 1
I've noticed over time, you've really got it in for Parker. Do you have a history with him? Or is it that you're a fan of Tom Horton? (Just being nosy.)
preacher1
preacher1 1
Personal history with Tom Horton. I know Parkers background as they both started with AA about the same time and worked alongside each other. Horton helped Parker do the America West thing and anything he could along the line to help him. Parker just backstabbed him good, making the end run on the merger and gaining control. I don't like backstabbers. Sad part is though, he might actually pull it off. I have to give the devil his due. Even Jesus said render to Caesar that which is his.
amscot500
Philip Hutchison 3
Knowing how awful AA business class is, if they could find a way, I am sure they would do it.
jajjrr12
james jennings 3
cut out in flight alcoholic beverages and most out of control passenger incidences will cease.
panam1971
panam1971 3
Next up...optional seating. Standing room only, NYC subway style.
Kairho
Kairho Carroll 1
q.v Ryan Air
ToddBaldwin3
Todd Baldwin 5
I've been on some flights where the pax provided their own pressurization.
vicwoodling
Vic Woodling 5
I can think of several politicians who need to fly this way :-)
ualiah
Peter Crew 5
Dont tell the United mgmt team about this!
dtw757
mike SUT 6
Flight Attendants provide theirs...it's called "crop dusting" according to them.
n7224e
BC Hadley 3
isardriver
isardriver 3
i hear you - even worse when not pressurized
preacher1
preacher1 2
Yeah, and relieved it when they over pressurized. LOL
mhlansdell00
Mark Lansdell 2
Hey Capt., did you have good results finding your missing bud?
mhlansdell00
Mark Lansdell 1
They all try to fly below radar now and that's well below altitude/O² needs. No, politicians require a different solution.
birtsjoe
Joe Birts 1
Wing seating!
Serviceman
Gary Hatch 2
I can see a credit card reader next to the little air nozzle. The attendant call button costs $0.75 per use. You'll need Visa or Master Card to unlock your tray table.
SpaceRanger
Michael McMurtrey 2
Too funny! I just hope it doesn't come true.
capegreg
capegreg 2
Subway is selling $5 O2 canisters with the purchase of any footlong.
mikemalin44
Mike Malin 2
No problem under 10,000 ft and VFR flying . Sounds great .
Doobs
Dee Lowry 2
I think a part of America has lost their sense of humor. Very sad. Maybe if people would include laughter in their lives, society wouldn't be so "snarkie". Lighten up people. AA & USAir merger is just the sign of the times. Those who worked within the aviation industry back in the late 70's and beyond, saw these mergers happening way before the word "merger" was in the companies vocabulary. Thanx to Prez. Carter and deregulation...you are now looking at, what use to be a class act, is now a beautiful bus with wings on it and unfortunately the quality of people follow the "low-life" atmosphere and want more bang for their buck. Well...it's not going to happen. Those days, when people respected each other, said please and thank you are a thing of the past. Not coming back. That said, we have to find humor in the industry. Makes the experience abit more bearable!
ashfsk85
ashwin murali 2
Don't be surprised if someday this turns out to be a reality!!!
akirkham
Anthony Kirkham 2
I thought that April had come early!
redchief1
Charles Bond 2
It is APRIL 1 already?
crissy519
Christina Brown 2
The really sad thing is that this could very well be one of those Onion articles that becomes reality, like five blade razors and putting bullies in therapy. Lol
k2lck
Ed Mentz 2
read it 1 mar, and thought "30 days early", but good none the less
Erikalafata
Erikalafata 2
You have got to be kidding... FlightAware had this a lead story in their newsletter which I just received! Ha! Someone's gonna be getting a whoopin' at FA today....
compyelc4
Ted Valley 2
Guess I'll just have to find my old Air Supply CD.
tsjenkins
Scott Jenkins 2
LOL - I thought it might be true until I read the source.
joelwiley
joel wiley 2
If they take the air out of the American name, will it just be Mecan?
paddysmyth
Patrick Smyth 2
I needed a good laugh!
Livery2013
Antonio Caldeira 2
Maybe if American and USAir did not spend
So much money on the merger they would
Have been able to supply.
morriselizabeth
Elizabeth Morris 2
What a hoot.
Rstu4444
Ralph Stewart 2
I think the cabin on most aircraft is around 8K. If the airlines raise the cabin to 11K, the savings would be Huge! The airplanes would last longer due to less flexing, the planes would weigh less at cruise thereby saveing a lot of fuel, and the pax would be less active due to lack of O2. OK, now it is up to the FAA.
Now the Joke is on Us! For real
mcarthurj
John McArthur 2
I love The Onion.
abbottmd
Brian Abbott 2
i knew this was from the onion even before I saw the link
RECOR10
RECOR10 8
I hate it when I get a link to the Onion. I spend the rest of the week reading it at the office.
sparkie624
sparkie624 3
Not to sure about that.. It may have come true.. Just the wrong airline... SWA tried it on 2 of their 737's... One was in KCRW and the other in KPHX. Right off hand, I am not sure if they have experimented with this program beyond those 2.
MACGSO
MACGSO 3
Aloha tried out an "open air cabin" concept a few years ago...
mhlansdell00
Mark Lansdell 1
AAL tried it out of DFW a while back
preacher1
preacher1 2
PhotoFinish
PhotoFinish 2
[I knew it wasn't true.] But I thought a journalist thought it was true until I read the source.
PhotoFinish
PhotoFinish 2
Yes, we all need more laughter in life, not just in the industry.

The decrease in formality in society and corresponding decrease in civility can be attributed to many causes. Deregulation isn't one of them.
mhlansdell00
Mark Lansdell 1
AAAfirmed
mhlansdell00
Mark Lansdell 1
Hmmmmm. A foot long O² tank.
joelwiley
joel wiley 1
That's what happens with a +60 score and 100+ comments!
PhotoFinish
PhotoFinish 1
Actually a foot of O2 wouldn't be enough but for the shortest of flights.
hawk1tdh
Tom Hawk 1
sparkie624
sparkie624 1
Yup... Sucker born every minute... Sit down.. take it easy.. Drink the coolaid :)
AWAAlum
AWAAlum 1
I'm issuing a "buy" order for whatever company it is that makes barf bags.
mhlansdell00
Mark Lansdell 1
You don't think a legacy airline would violate FARs, do you ? heheh
geckstein12
geckstein12 1
tomkennedy
Tom Kennedy 4
It's about bloody time! These passengers think they can just expect to breath when they get up in altitude. What do they think this is, a complimentary service!! Pay for your oxygen, you freeloading bastards!!
mhlansdell00
Mark Lansdell 4
It's not the Oxygen it's the Carbon dioxide all those pax expel.
gusearth1
Angus Chang 3
Lol I thought this was real at first. How stupid of me.
isardriver
isardriver 3
sadly, someone will believe this
Mudshark
Dave Ooooo 3
Well I must confess, reading that before my first cup of coffee I really had to read it twice and then realized where it was coming from.
sparkie624
sparkie624 3
There are some people out there who really may believe that.... Find any one story out there, and you can find someone to believe it... Over in Asia (forget which country) last year a newspaper picked up an Onion News item, and republished it as being real.
mthompson218
mthompson218 4
Haha that was North Korea when they named Kim Jong-un sexiest man alive.
sparkie624
sparkie624 2
That was one of them... That was not the one that I was thinking of... It happened more than once.
RRKen
Kenneth Schmidt 2
That just ain't right!
joelwiley
joel wiley 3
"There's a sucker born every minute" was how P.T Barnum's success was described.
jimquinndallas
Jim Quinn 7
Yes. Some reporter. Then there will be protests, and claims of racism and/or prejudicial treatment of the poor who cannot afford to fly Business or First Class. Of course Congress will talk of perhaps supplementing the airfares of those passengers who are disadvantaged....
Cactus732
Cactus732 3
It will be a double laugh at the government in that case, because you can't just elect not to pressurize coach, you have to either pressurize the whole cabin or none of it.
btweston
btweston 1
Yeah... probably not.
isardriver
isardriver 1
all of the above - for sure
MACGSO
MACGSO 1
Actually, the President is currently working on a new proposal that will provide every American citizen with Federal subsidies for their airline tickets. The name of his new proposal? "Obamafare"
cmhdispatch
John Keller 2
Al Sharpton will claim it's racist. Some dimwit will demand an investigation (Pelosi) Boehner will weep at the thought, and we will all have the chance to laugh at our politicians once again!
awesam
Sam Andrews 2
Trouble is, too many think of them as just that, a source of mirth.
mhlansdell00
Mark Lansdell 1
You mean to tell me this ain't true??
joelwiley
joel wiley 1
You'll just have to do that looong breath out yoga exercise on your own. 8-)
preacher1
preacher1 1
Poor Baby. LOL
sparkie624
sparkie624 1
I know it is hard news to break... But it sounds like someone got one over on you... Don't feel bad... You aren't alone... there are other people of believed it as well.

Can someone pass Mark a glass of Cold Water... We may loose him on this one..
adambear8
adambear8 1
probably a Ryanair or Spirit air Exec.
yr2012
matt jensen 2
It's from the onion - nothing further need be said!
eandrade1424
Ed Andrade 2
I had no idea American Airlines was going to start flying DC-3/4/etc planes again! I can't wait to see them at my local airport! So excited! :-p
lsharpe69
lsharpe69 2
This no doubt an attention grabbing farce designed to titillate the minds of the uneducated and misinformed. Perhaps soon we will be able to rent pressure suits during check-in the way we rent bowling shoes. Better yet, let's retrofit the entire commercial fleet to accommodate variably pressurized passenger compartments. That makes perfect economic sense! Why not eliminate checked baggage completely and install additional seating in the cargo hold. Hey there's an idea! We can increase seating and expedite pax loading by supplementing airbridges with cargo conveyor belts! Also completely eliminates lost baggage issues! I'm a budding genius!!!
Austindallin
Bob Williamson 2
Makes a lot of sense to me. As long as the pilots have air, who cares if the passengers pass out.
It will make the flights a little more bearable.
Outstanding business decision
CaptainFreedom
CaptainFreedom 2
There may actually be more of a market to fly on these classica than you might think. Maintenance becomes an issue :)
joelwiley
joel wiley 2
Not to mention inventory. The last DC3 rolled off the line in what, 1947?
sparkie624
sparkie624 1
And they are still flying today in Revenue service...
joelwiley
joel wiley 3
Isn't there something wrong when the aircraft can continue flying after reaching full Social Security age but the pilot can't?
sparkie624
sparkie624 2
Nope.. Not at all... I was complimenting them... A lot of planes can't say that... I love the DC3's... They are great beautiful planes... I bet there will not be an Airbus flying period after 47 years much less being in revenue service...
preacher1
preacher1 1
Personally, they changed their minds at 60. I think they ought to lift the age limit altogether so we could compete with the planes. LOL. The BUFF is up there in that crowd too.
joelwiley
joel wiley 1
The wrong part is that a healthy pilot can't fly because of his MediCare card.
sparkie624
sparkie624 1
?? I fail to see a similarity here
preacher1
preacher1 1
A healthy pilot can't fly at 65 but a plane can keep going as long as it's maintained. We better hush though or the feds will want to put an age limit on airframes if they run out of something to do. They implemented the 1500 hr/ATP rule didn't they. LOL
joelwiley
joel wiley 1
w/ proper maintenance, both should be flying.
sparkie624
sparkie624 1
Very true.. But before it has proper maintenance, it has to have proper engineering, and I seriously doubt the Airbus will survive that long.
lhazel
Larry Hazel 1
No, Congress did.
preacher1
preacher1 1
Congress passed, FAA implemented, but feds, which I said, takes them all in
birtsjoe
Joe Birts 1
I'm applying for a patent on the conveyer belt loading system. Then I'll find someone to sue for patent infringement!
birtsjoe
Joe Birts 1
They will be flown by American Eagle!
dziban303
dziban molniya 1
Uhh, it's from The Onion, you fool.
lsharpe69
lsharpe69 2
Uhh. I think this was my point. It was meant to be satirical. Sorry to go over your head. Regarding your statement referring to me as a 'fool'? You would be better served to keep comments regarding the intelligence of others to yourself, at least until you have thoroughly evaluated your own. People who propagate negativity without thought are generally unhappy people with more enemies than friends.I have many friends. I could say more, but my time is more valuable than to waste my words on someone who replies with 7. And one word with actually more than one syllable. Go away pal.
richsmit
Richard Smith 1
It isn't April 1st yet..........
johnmalgieri
john malgieri 1
why not ? They are cutting everything else out.
Tampabluesboy
Troy Henning 1
Love this
chalet
chalet 1
Henceforth all flights will be BYOO which stands for Bring Your Own OXYGEN (LIMAO!!!)
BenKFIT
Ben Lillie 1
hank7716
Liam Henry 1
Hey why not..if you do not wear a suit or dress you don't board the flight. Could you imagine a meal of steak and salad on a flight from Chicago to New York in cabin class. I was very young when this happened and I can say "those were the days" in my younger days I used to look down on the ramp and wave to the Ramp Rats" it was a great feeling for one of those guys to wave back. Go forward 30 years I was the guy on the ramp who would look up and wave to the children. The only thing I could not do was go up the the gate and ask the parents " Can I bring your child on board to let them meet the flight crew". Those were the days......
jcisuclones
Jonathan Chicken 1
Got to love The Onion. For some odd reason, this reminds me a lot of this MadTv skit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whjCkaKkQuI
flixnpix
Stephen Aubery 1
Too funny!
1dallas1
Lo Rie 1
Oxygen by credit card available????
whip5209
Ken McIntyre 1
I kinda wished the Onion hadn't put out this hilarious April Fools joke. Might give airlines an idea for an additional fee...

LOL, just kidding
preacher1
preacher1 1
lisejungebloedt
Liese Jungebloedt 1
“While we regret any altitude sickness, blood problems, dimmed vision, or hyperventilation that may result from air pressure less than a third normal levels, we remind our customers that such effects will diminish as soon as the aircraft descends below 10,000 feet.”
How incredible reassuring!!!! I suggest the airline takes over a big funeral home as business is sure to increase everytime a flight of theirs lands and THAT will surely cushion their coffers remarkably. Or perhaps if this measure is implemented, AA should only fly below 10.000 feet.
hwearsch
Henry Wearsch 1
About a month early for April Fool!
rivet
John Purvis 1
Body bags are free to all involved.
Starman535
Robert Black 1
That one is too ludicrous to comment on ...
bcfd29
Pete Schecter 1
Everything Parker touches turns to: _ _ _ _
jackmabry
Jack Mabry 1
I love it, very funny. Thanks for helping me get through the work day.
makincentsofit
Robert Waddell 1
First it was cutting bereavement fares and now this. With this policy in place you can literally take a flight to visit with your deceased love one as long as you pay full fare.
I knew it was going to be all down hill after the marriage of AA with US Airways.
ice7571999
Robert Davis 1
What a funny article I just about fell out of my seat after reading this nonsense.
Hypothetically, AA must be planning on flying at or below 12,000 feet. I could only imagine flight rage between GA and commercial pilots. Fly by moons followed by bird (sounds like fun). Maybe the occasional Cessna 172 cutting off a 777 or a sneak up flyby on a GA by a commercial plane.
Thanks for the good laugh.
Mudpie24
Tony Salmeri 1
What does this mean I am ignorant on this subject?
pany
Sabino Escobedo 1
Well, airlines are about to start doing it......... it wouldn't surprise me if airlines start making an additional charge for us passengers using "clean, breathable" air onboard flights!
Lindsaybkk
Lindsaybkk 1
Ummm aren't we 4 weeks early for this post
It's 1st Mar today not April 1st
TXCAVU
Elizabeth Robillard 1
Actually the real reason is that it is a necessary move to control the out-of-control passengers.In-flight sedation.
defsufi
Def Sufi 1
You guys DO know that anything from The Onion is satire......
Doobs
Dee Lowry 1
Hey...on the same line...check out what the"Onion" posted on Feb 19th! "Olympic Figure Skater falls thru the Ice"! Don't blink...it's a 9 second video. Hysterical!
PeterFairlie
Peter Fairlie 1
If you think the lack of Oxygen is bad, wait until next month when they phase out cabin Heating too.
stinsonsteve
Steve Dow 1
Think of the wear and tear on the air frames it would save!
jfriesel
Jay friesel 1
Well they took away bereavement fares so why not this? Mergers!!!!
ianrayburnhotmailcom
Ian Rayburn 1
Someone is really into the art of trolling. Relax & smell the coffee.
akayemm
Er.A.K. Mittal 1
I guess the 10,000 ft. criteria may be dangerous in some cases, especially for those who are heart patients and/or suffer from some kind of breathing ailments ! And they are not sick enough to be denied to fly on medical grounds.
Technically , they can , or may be they do , cease to pressurise once the bird has descended below the cabin altitude level !
Cayman2014
David Guilfoyle 1
Wing seating will be next………..
globalaircraft
Russell Bird 1
Totally ridiculous report. There is no way this can be done. Ive flown for the airlines for 30+ years. The reporters should report on something that they understand
tmuro17
Tanner Muro 1
The onion website is a satirical site.
hawk1tdh
Tom Hawk 1
BYOO.....Bring your own oxygen....LMAO!!!!!
yorkrose1
Jim Mahnke 1
Is this a joke!
bwdparaons
Dave Parsons 1
Best saved for April 1!
av8kc97
Stuart Stratton 1
What's next with American Airlines? How about welding seats to the wings and fuselage and issuing parkas?
sentinel91101
Heinz Loewen 1
Hahahahahahahaha!!!! Still got a little under a Month to wait eh?
April Fool's Day, early!!!
iflyrjs
terry gersdorf 1
Why not seat belts are optional anyways
mikemalin44
Mike Malin 1
Just think of the view flying through the mountains from New York to LA ,Awewsome .
linebet
Richard Garber 1
LOL, but when you think about it, it would be going the way of life rafts, floor lighting, the four engine requirement for over-ocean travel, etc., etc.
sentinel91101
Heinz Loewen 1
SOURCE OF STORY IS???? "THE ONION" SATIRICAL MAG FROM SOMEWHERE IN EASTERN USA...HARVARD?
LMAO!!! THIS IS A GOOD ONE!! IMAGINE IF PILOTS BLACKING OUT WITH NO OXYGEN?
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
alan75035
alan75035 1
If they had said "Ryanair" or "Spirit", I would believe them.
FlightSeer
FlightSeer 1
I greatly appreciate well-done parody and satire. However, I hope another venue is sought to distribute this fine piece of work. It just might give "the suits" an idea.
lynx318
lynx318 1
This matches the air pressure in boardrooms at the top of skyscrapers where such a decision could be made. Isn't April 1st still a month away?
Smartial
Serge Martial 1
Looks like they are one month off...
CheriKincaid
Cheri Kincaid 1
That's absolutely ridiculous. Have flown only American for years, even just yesterday. Guess I go back to Delta.
hotrox66
Nick Firestone 1
Isn't this announcement a month early???????
profnew
professor newell 1
Very funny. Love The Onion
CaptJohn1
CaptJohn1 1
Obviously a joke, but there are a lot of stupid people out there these days!
WestGardens
Lynn West 1
Next I heard the next design from Airbus is a vertical and horizonal seating system with the seats replaced with gurneys stacked three hight allowing a multilayered experience to your travel. Called slumber class, you get to sleep through the whole flight abit less exhausted (not true in all passengers) when combined with the optional thin air club...
Corvus
Wolfgang Schuele 1
This would certainly fit Ryanair's reputation but if you look at the trend seen at all airlines it is merely what someone could imagine as the peak of ordeals the airlines are using to press even more money out of their passengers.
juswaitng
douglas fitzgerald 1
that's what happens when number crunchers are in "control". let them do it all
Rstu4444
Ralph Stewart 1
It is True! The aircraft already recirculated a lot of air to the pax. Reusing air is a real cost saver! Please note that the flight crew get 100% air. Hum....Maybe that can be changed too. :)
juswaitng
douglas fitzgerald 1
there is a lot of hot air in board rooms these days.. put that on sale
mariofer
mariofer 1
I can just see it. Ryanair and Spirit doing away with pressurization and charging for personal breathing apparatus or you can bring your own free of charge.
RichardHarkness
Richard Harkness 1
Come on ! Who's kidding who ? FAA regulations require oxygen over 10,000 feet even in private aircraft. AA isn't going to jeapordize losing more passengers than it already has by doing something more stupid.
AA"s most saving factor is that they fly mostly Boeing aircraft, however, now with the merger they have too associate with "airjunk" !
Jsilva112
Jsilva112 1
Don't post satire.
RichardHarkness
Richard Harkness 1
What do you consider to be "Satire" ?
cnezas
Ralph Nezas 1
This from Tom Larson;see now this is brilliant, it will be an added convenience to the flyers because the trips will seem much shorter while you are passed out. AND it will save money because there will be no need for complimentary beverage service or the need for in-flight reading material.
Kacka
Mke Kacka 1
No need for a pay blue room now.
Quackers
Quackers 1
Coming soon to RyanAir and Spirit
owensjoel
Joel Owens 1
Probably would be funny if I hadn't just watched the investigation video about Helios Flight 522.
Groh
George Groh 1
Eliminating cabin heat from engine bleed air would be a cost saver and would reduce oxygen demand as the passenger body core temperatures decline. Additional revenues could be obtained from sleeping bag, felt boot, hot water bag rentals etc. George Groh
Doobs
Dee Lowry 1
Do you think we can give this squawk a rest? It's like beating a dead horse!
ilyassharif
ilyassharif 1
what is complimentary landing gear
AWAAlum
AWAAlum 1
Leave it to The Onion.
mhlansdell00
Mark Lansdell 3
Is that a question?
joelwiley
joel wiley 2
AirMEX preferred
pappyroehrer
Bob Roehrer 2
its THE ONION.COM....pure unadulterated absurdity is the name of the game...you never heard of it?? Watch out....they'll be pulling YOUR leg next...
sparkie624
sparkie624 2
ops good.
birtsjoe
Joe Birts 1
Coming Soon: mandatory options for only $20.00.
sparkie624
sparkie624 1
The Onion does not matter... They are April 1st every day of the year... Here is another one they put out that I think is one of the best... http://www.theonion.com/articles/florida-to-experiment-with-new-600lever-voting-mac,29699/
N0626JC
N0626JC 1
You do know that it's published by Onion right?
joelwiley
joel wiley 1
Why not, or are you engaging in satire yourself?
joelwiley
joel wiley 1
Not sure but I believe the aircrew gets complementary O2 as part of their compensation pkg per their contract.
birtsjoe
Joe Birts 1
That had already been done on my last UAL flight.
joelwiley
joel wiley 1
The kind that go "Oof! that landing makes you look so debonair, Mr. Pilot Sir"
AWAAlum
AWAAlum 1
preacher1
preacher1 1
akayemm
Er.A.K. Mittal 0
May be carry your own water, snacks and food and so on, and claim hefty discounts ! Even own crockery and cutlery including own coffee maker and tea kettle ! Just pay up for plug in.
JAMESFOSTER
JAMES FOSTER 0
only the dollar is sacred to those assholes.
joelwiley
joel wiley 1
So what is the problem? Don't the Oxy dispensers take AMEX? Are the rates per flight or per minute? Is there a surcharge above FL 35?

This will render part of the safety demonstration obsolete! No more silly "put yours on first, then your child's".
colemdillon
Cole Dillon 1
American Airlines tweeted that the article posted on The Onion was a spoof and that they would continue to offer free air for its passengers.
sparkie624
sparkie624 4
American finally realized that if they would cut out pressurization at 41,000 feet that it drastically cut down repeat customers.
preacher1
preacher1 3
Yeah, but they didn't say anything about that complimentary landing gear though. LOL
bishops90
Brian Bishop 1
That's a relief....
preacher1
preacher1 1
Ain't that special. LOL
mm2young
mm2young 1
More likely pilots will be replaced by empty cockpit chairs in airliners run by computers. To keep up passenger morale, however, a stand-up comic can be purchased for tourist class and a Late Night comedian can be had for extra expenses in First and Business Classes. (Pls note: tourist class not capitalized).
CaptainFreedom
CaptainFreedom 1
Lots of revenue opportunities in selling oxygen. You could charge, say....$5 for a small puff, and $10 for a good inhale.
ADXbear
ADXbear 1
That's one way to keep the kids quiet, cut down on bathroom breaks and eliminate the drink carts... awesome..
cnezas
Ralph Nezas 1
There are a few people I can think of that I would gladly pay tickets for when this starts. Their names are well known.
pete201
Pete Birkbeck 1
However, Parker added that after further evaluation the increased turnaround time from having to remove over 200 bodies did not make the idea economically feasible and it was abandoned.
av8kc97
Stuart Stratton 1
Already a done deal...ever heard of Flight Management Computers....they (FMC) can fly the entire route including SIDs and STARs.
joelwiley
joel wiley 1
Except that so far, the pilot is aboard to disconnect it and fly the airplane.
av8kc97
Stuart Stratton 1
Oh, I'm sure they can over come that little problem too, the Operation Manager could remotely do that from his office... since he programs the route prior to the flight....BTW, I didn't mention that the FMC could auto land certain types of aircraft as well. Would need someone up there to mash the TOGA button....and of course have a good book to read.
joelwiley
joel wiley 1
In the spirit of Johnathan Swift's "A modest proposal", the problem could be overcome by determining an acceptable casualty rate to cover the events where the presence of a live body could have otherwise recovered from a 'infelicitous' series of unforeseen events. One could establish a monetized valuation of the loss of an aircraft and complement, and cost out alternatives to having pilots aboard.
;-)
PhotoFinish
PhotoFinish 1
Had to read that one a few times.

Not sure how much it is said in jest, but someday it will be become a prediction of reality.

One or more pilots may remain on planes long past the calculation shifting to human pilots no longer being necessary. But the second pilot may go.
joelwiley
joel wiley 0
OTOH, they could retrofit using the technologies perfected since the 40's which were used to good effect on the B-17, B-24, B-29, and still used on the B-1, B-2 & B-52. Come to think of it, racking the walk-on cargo could improve capacity....
jazmine1
Lynne Maxwell 0
Ridiculous! I expect something better from Flight Aware posts.
johcam
John Camper 4
Oh, lighten up!
mhlansdell00
Mark Lansdell 2
What's better than a laugh?
pilot1943
John Lessard 0
NO PRESSURIZATION, DOES THAT MEAN 747S WILL BE FLYING NO HIGHER THAN 12000 FEET. SOUNDS LIKE FUN. WATCH OUT GENEREL AVAITION. HEADS UP
n233wz
kenneth newman 0
Yes! I just gave all my AA advantage miles to my parents
eleetsepil
Steele Lipe -1
Seeing that FAR 25.841a requires a maximum cabin altitude of 8,000 ft I find it difficult to estimate the pressure differential on the mid cabin bulkhead between 1st/Business class and economy that would support a pressure differential of some 1000pounds/sq foot to pressurize the forward cabin at the expense of economy class.

Furthermore, I find the last sentence very interesting:
"Parker added that the company is also planning to discontinue complimentary landing gear on flights under four hours."
I wonder how they plan to land the aircraft without landing gear on shorter flights?
bros123
Drew Glover -1
I can't believe anyone is responding to this article as if it were possible or even real. Give your heads a shake and let's do some real reporting rather then playing with the comedic elements for "the onion".
preacher1
preacher1 -1
Go get 'em, Douggie Boy
sparkie624
sparkie624 5
Geez... Just have run and roll with it.... This is better than 100+ posts about why hundreds of people died in an accident....
johcam
John Camper 4
Apparently rumors about the death of 'Sense of Humor' are correct.
preacher1
preacher1 4
Everybody has got to pop off every now and then. It is good for stress relief, no matter how tacky it may be. LOL. Besides, it helps the Onion stay in business.
preacher1
preacher1 5
Besides that, lighten up a little; you might like it.
bros123
Drew Glover 3
Oh I love the story, it is funny, I just can't believe some of these people believe the story. The Onion is satire at its finest. It is where cracked and Mad left off from the 1990's.
mhlansdell00
Mark Lansdell 2
Just like Charlie on the MTA.
CPSL
Joe Mama 0
Come on Mr. Ward.....lighten up.... it's funny!!! :~)
CookinAK
Pat Cook 0
Great idea! Added benefit to the airline is the reduced number of frequent flyer to be awared!
akayemm
Er.A.K. Mittal 0
Can they really do it ? I mean FAA and ICAO not withstanding ?
navigator2013
John Ward 0
Come on Mr Mama, it is inane pap and not worthy of this site. If I want funny then I will go to a site that has a format to humour me.......and, stop talking about my weight!!
nawsh
Sean Miller 0
agree with @isardriver .. sadly more than one person will believe this
stevieroo
steve walker 0
Will it be complementary coffins on arrival for frequent flyers? Such BS could and will cause panic for the uninformed.
Shame on whoever thought that this was funny.
glang3
glang3 0
Well, you have to cut costs somehow!
sparkie624
sparkie624 2
No.. Coffins are extra feature at extra cost.
sparkie624
sparkie624 2
You got it.... Just think of the fuel savings when you don't have to blow air into the cabins from the Bleed Air... and at Altitude, you could probably make a killing on renting blankets.... Probably get $100 an hour during the Northern Winter Months.
stevieroo
steve walker 1
Perhaps such a feature would be willingly introduced by that Atlanta based purveyor?
preacher1
preacher1 1
Yeah, and such a labor saving device for the crew in the pointy end; of course it will work the FA's butts off. LOL
birtsjoe
Joe Birts 1
Delta Crop Dusting of Monroe, Louisiana?
mhlansdell00
Mark Lansdell 1
What's that have to do with cabin pressurization. Is your buddy's mother advertizing on Craigs List ?
sparkie624
sparkie624 1
Definitely more than one... LOL, I mentioned it to one person who could not believe they could do such a thing... I told him it was an onion joke.. Had to spell it out... Some people will fall for anything.
joelwiley
joel wiley 1
Surely, you jest!
gsmith4151
harold smith -2
About as stupid a joke as I've heard in a while. Nothing else happening in aviation this week?
AWAAlum
AWAAlum 1
As stupid as saying "heard" when it's in print?
joelwiley
joel wiley 1
Or, "as seen on radio"?
5342G
5342G -3
Time to fly airlines, like Southwest that provide service and take care of their passengers!
perryl99
Perry Lindsay 2
Yeah, fly the airline that will take you to Branson, and include a complimentary bus ride to the airport you should have landed at.
navigator2013
John Ward -4
Any more reduction to moronic humour like this and I fancy I will cancel my receipt of emails from Flight Aware. What is it with people these days...if you ain't got sensible stories to tell don't fill up the space with pap!
mikearlow
Michael Arlow -4
This is not funny. People rely on FlightAware for real and timely information, not humor. These pages should be taken down immediately. Such postings are inappropriate and irresponsible, even for April Fool's day (April 1, not March 1, May 1, or any date whatsoever), and may be damaging to the airlines and businesses that are targeted, as well as the users of this website.
THRUSTT
THRUSTT 3
It traumatized me, airplanes are like monsters to me now!!!
Kairho
Kairho Carroll 2
Don't let the jetway hit you on the way out!

PS: Lighten up.
joelwiley
joel wiley 2
I'm sorry FA Squawks did not live down to your expectations? You showed remarkable fortitude for sticking it out for 6 months. May I suggest the Fox News feed, sometimes it's better than the Onion.
THRUSTT
THRUSTT 1
ernestcarey
Ernest Carey -1
This makes you guys look very unprofessional!

Rookie move.
AWAAlum
AWAAlum 1
Did you know that one can be professional AND have a sense of humor as well? What will they think of next!
mikearlow
Michael Arlow -5
This is not funny. People rely on FlightAware for real and timely information, not humor. These pages should be taken down immediately. Such postings are inappropriate and irresponsible, even for April Fool's day (April 1, not May 1), and may be damaging to the airlines and businesses that are targeted, as well as the users of this website.
cnezas
Ralph Nezas 1
Michael, are you for real! Me having flown since I was 8 years old starting on Eastern Airlines, when we got real metal knives and forks with real plates, and real food from BDL to DCA. People actually dressed up to travel on planes. It was actually fun to fly commercially. Now airports are armed camps. You are lucky if there is a laundry basket with brown bag food waiting for passengers to pick up as they cross the bridge to tiny seats, from an airport that looks like it's in a 3rd world country. This is absolutely hilarious. That which is going on now with airlines and their service is "inappropriate and irresponsible, and they deserve every bit of ribbing they get. You never experienced the good old days when planes actually took off when a cloud blew over the airport, instead of shutting down an engine while waiting on a taxiway for the air to be perfectly still, for takeoff. 2hour delays in the terminal and another no a taxi way for departure. Airlines locking passengers in planes for hours upon hours, no food, water overflowing bathrooms. That's inappropriate and irresponsible.
AABABY
FRANK MARTINOLI -7
Dear Flightaware:
Has anyone gone to the trouble of verifying such a ridiculous claim?
Surely you wouldn't want to incur the wrath of an old line air carrier because of a joke.
To Zachary Colescott:
Can you show proof that this is a fact? The Onion is hardly a place to find correct facts.
Did you bother to do any fact checking at all?
AABABY
FRANK MARTINOLI -7
It's a joke! I understand that. But why here? It's not even very funny.
Doobs
Dee Lowry 0
Frank...The airlines have been scutinized for years. Nothing is good enough for the flying public. This has been going on for 20 years! People get pissed because they can't get a low "AirFare"! It's a mean world ot there in the aviation industy. The "Flying Public"...got what they asked for. Low fares.. and they didn't expect oil prices to go through the roof! InFlight Service suffered because of the cost to get you from "A" to "B"....the Airlines had to make up the difference, and You got what you asked for! Get over it! It is what it is and accept it! The "satire" from " the Onion" is just a way to put comedy and laughter to an industry that has been in a tail-spin for sometime! Try to get over it and deal with it and laugh! It's good for the soul! Happy flying to you!

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